It’s Playoffs! Let’s Dance!

Posted: December 12, 2012 in Uncategorized

You guys. Holy shit. We made it. WE ARE IN POST-SEASON!

Look, maybe you made it to playoffs by the skin of your teeth (ahem…TGD). And maybe you missed it and are already jonesing for next year’s draft. Or maybe you’re in first place and are shamelessly bragging about it.

JJPlayoffTrashTalk

Either way, it’s been 14 weeks of tense emotion, laughter, tears, awe, whatever. I am proud of every single one of you. We are in the home stretch and we are gonna celebrate. And so I present to you a very special edition LM Note.

YOUR 2012 NFL DANCE PARTY!!!

The infamous KC Defense Touchdown Dance! Too bad the touchdown was reversed. But the dance was pretty cool.

This week, in the spirit of competition, we made it mandatory that everyone start a full lineup. Nearly everyone did so without me asking, except for LEUN and TGD. And so we set it for them. And they won. Though they actually would have won even if we hadn’t set their lineup. So that initiative was kind of a bust and we won’t be bringing it back. But hey, we tried. I guess engagement can’t be forced.

The lineups have been changed back to how they were before. Everyone is responsible for their own lineup, though if you are in a jam, send a quick email, text or Facebook message to your LM’s (JJ, Sue or myself) and we can edit your roster under SPECIFIC directions. In other words, “Can you start Scott Chandler instead of Dennis Pitta,” is acceptable. “Can you put in my highest projected RB from my bench instead of Vick Ballard,” is acceptable. “Can you drop Titus Young for the highest projected RB and start that guy as my flex,” is acceptable. “Can you pick my wide receivers,” is NOT. We are happy to give you advice (seriously, we love talking about this stuff). We are not going to make decisions for you.

In any event, here is a run down of everyone’s matchup.

BLN3 vs. CI

These two teams were finished playing by the second round of morning games. At first it looked as if CI had the advantage, since BLN3’s Brandon Myers contributed nothing, while Darren McFadden put up a decent showing on Thursday night. But not even huge contributions from Mike Wallace and Vincent Jackson could help CI compete with multiple TD games from Cam Newton, Alfred Morris and Danario Alexander. BLN3 takes the victory and basks in the glow of a Victor Cruz salsa.

Cruz is nimble on his feet.

That’s cool though. CI, you continue to do your thing. And kudos to you for setting your lineup!

Oh hayyyyy Jacoby Jones, even though nobody has you.

VSTR vs. GTYE

This matchup was also very much determined by midday Sunday. VSTR did not have a good week. TB’s defense shut down Bryce Brown to 10% of what he scored last week. Fred Jackson got injured again. And Drew Brees got shut down so hard by the Giants that pretty much everyone on the Saints’ O-line except Darren Sproles underperformed. VSTR barely broke 110 points. For the most part, GTYE had a solid, though not overwhelming day. Most of his people scored double digits, though nobody broke 20. Oh wait. The Seahawks. 40 points from the Seahawks D/ST, who shut down the Cardinals like they were the Harlem Globetrotters.

It’s like they’re playing hot potato.

GTYE gets another useless win, and we groan in boredom while he drops it like it’s hot. Or, if you’re from Green Bay, really really cold.

He’s got good knees for his age

BDAS vs. LEUN

GTYE was not the only one to profit from that ridiculous Seahawks game. Marshawn Lynch scored three TDs! Between that, 20+ point games from three other players, and BDAS’s untimely injury of Ahmad Bradshaw, LEUN clinched this before the evening game. BDAS gets brownie points, though, for picking up Bilal Powell from the waiver wire. And she actually set her lineup! BDAS – your TE Owen Daniels would like to serve you a Holiday Turkey for your efforts.

It is a little known fact that Owen Daniels is second among TEs in amazing endzone celebrations

And I guess Evan gets a dance, too.

JOHN vs. NSUE

For a while, it looked as if those two were neck and neck. Jamal Charles kicked it off early for JOHN with an 80 yd. TD run. Then Adrian Peterson continued his domination of the field for yet another week, which greatly helped NSUE. Doug Martin had a 100+ game. Then Steve Smith had a 100+ yard game. The lead volleyed back and forth until, in NSUE’s words when I picked her up from the airport, “SOMEONE just didn’t want to touch the ball. UGH. James Jones.” A bad game for James Jones means a good game for Randall Cobb, so JOHN also continues his useless, seven game winning streak. BORING! Thus, he gets the most boring of my TD dance collection.

My favorite part of this is Chaz Schilens trying to jump in, but kind of failing at it

It’s okay, NSUE. You are still a cutie with a bootie. Like Steve Smith!

Twerk it!

TGD vs. SCMB

This was really the only matchup that extended to Monday Night. Except not really. Roddy White scored almost 30 points. Eli Manning actually performed like a top ranked QB. Meanwhile, like I said, Saint’s O-Line. Lance Moore only got 3 points, and SCMB did NOT start Darren Sproles. Not like that would have helped. Her curse continues as Brandon Pettigrew left the game in the first quarter with nary a catch to his name. Oh how she misses Gronk!

It is a widely known fact that Gronk is first among TEs in amazing endzone celebrations

Between Moore and Pettigrew’s lackluster performances, paired with yet another 100+ yd game from TGD’s Calvin Johnson, SCMB was down by 67 points going into Monday. At first, it looked like Tom Brady and the Patriots were going to dominate the Texans and get her the points she needed. Unfortunately, they were a little too successful. The Texans kicker only got one XP out of the matchup, and the Patriots were so far up by the half that Tom Brady barely needed to try and was eventually pulled from the game 4 passing yards shy of his 300 point bonus.

SCMB loses while adding Dwayne Bowe and Brandon Pettigrew to her LONG list of long-term injured people (it’s 10 people long now, if you’re keeping track). TGD gets her win and sneaks her way into the playoffs! VICTORY DANCE! And one from none other than Stevan Ridley, who TGD gave to SCMB in a questionable trade. It appears TGD didn’t really him.

Only 14 points?! COME ON! Ugh. At least he’s good on visits to the endzone.

Real talk, though, she’s probably not paying attention and has no idea she won.

Playoff Bracket

Now that we have our final standings going into the post-season, the schedule will be determined on who wins and loses each week. Your regular season record has no bearing here. Here is next week’s schedule:

Bye Week: GTYE and JOHN

Matchup 1:  SCMB @ VSTR – Winner plays GTYE next week

Matchup 2: TGD @ NSUE – Winner plays JOHN next week

Matchup 3: BLN3 @ LEUN – Winner plays Matchup 4 winner next week

Matchup 4: CI @ BDAS – Winner plays Matchup 3 winner next week

Remember that all hosting teams receive 1 point for home field advantage. We are thinking about increasing this to 3 points next year (the equivalent of a field goal) since we have such a high-scoring league. Think about it. We will probably take a poll before the season is out.

I wish you all the best in our 2012 post-season. Don’t forget to have fun! And to help you do that, I leave you with an NFL ode to the dance of the year – GANGNAM STYLE!

You may want to play the song in the background while you stare at these.

Jason Pierre Paul’s Opa Gangnam Sack

Photobomb Gangnam Style

Panthers Gangnam Style

The grand finale – Bengals Gangnam Style

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