Fever Five

Posted: October 9, 2013 in Uncategorized

I spent the weekend in Vegas for work. And you might be thinking, “Wow that’s awesome. I bet you got wasted and watched a ton of football in the sports book areas on Sunday.” But what actually happened is I was running around the Venetian/Palazzo because my boss wanted several print outs and a manila envelope. And then while the EPIC Broncos-Cowboys game was happening, I was listening to Steve Forbes talk about the economy in a way the Republicans would appreciate with only my friend RJ’s texts to keep me in the loop.

In protest, I wore a Bears shirt as the blouse under my suit jacket. Nobody cared though, because I am not an executive. However, our Chief Distribution Officer now tells me to go long and pretends to throw me a Hail Mary every time he sees me. So there’s that.

Imagine this guy air-passing you a Hail Mary. It’s so awkward.

I also passive-aggressively expressed my displeasure by FantasyCasting everyone’s match up on the ESPN mobile app. So I have a pretty good idea of how everything went down.

Weekly Recap

SDCB vs. JOYF – The Sexy DC Bitches have become the first person in our league’s rich history to ever achieve 0 points in one week. When you think about it, it’s a pretty notable accomplishment. I don’t think there is a single one of you out there that has enough commitment to your favorite NFL team to hold on to every single player during the team’s bye week. So you go, Jen, with your integrity. And you go, Jayson, on your win.

MARY vs. DBNR – In our league’s seester vs. seester matchup, The One Who Knocks took an early and easy victory over the Dangerous Boners, who are not so dangerous if they are going to leave Ray Rice on the bench, along with others of his fantasy prowess. The One Who Knocks moves on to 4-1. Sue can’t be too disappointed. She won her first sports book bet betting on the over for the 49ers against the Texans! Also, she has a 4-1 record in her other fantasy football league, even though the prize money is less and she doesn’t care about it as much. It still counts for something.

VSTR vs. BDAS – Vinegar Strokes finally gets her first win of the season. After four weeks of being cursed by difficult matchups, she finally pulls a definitive win over the Bad Assets, whose team continues to be stricken with underperforming headliners. As the fantasy owner of MJD and Ryan Mathews, I feel your pain, gurl. On the plus side, David Wilson finally scored you a TD!

Wilson was removed from the game due to injury shortly after this impressive TD celebration. Also the Giants still lost.


KJ vs. WZSL – Wizzard Sleeves continued to benefit from the unstoppable force of Peyton Manning, who garnered 42 points from the Broncos shootout against the Cowboys. He also collected 30 points from Desean Jackson in the Eagle’s first win of the season and from Alshon Jeffery, who set a record for most passing yardage in a game in Bears franchise history. Everyday I’m Russelin’ put forth a commendable effort with Sam Bradford (weird, I know) and Jimmy Graham. But alas, it was no match for John’s juggernaut of a team.


Game of the Week

I think we can all admit that we checked the scoreboard on Sunday morning with a tinge of glee seeing that KatnissEvereen ‘n PittaMellark was probably going to lose this week. 7/12 players on his team scored in the single digits, and those who scored in the double digits were in the low teens. Except Tony Romo, who JJ has actually been trying to trade all season. In the shootout against the Broncos, Tony Romo set a franchise record with 512 passing yds. and 5 TDs. It wasn’t enough to win the game, but it did get JJ 47 points, capping him out at 144.5. Team Leung need only score 6 points to secure the win, and he still had the Falcons D/ST playing at home against the Jets, whose QB had 2 interceptions and 2 fumbles the week prior. Easy, right?

Apparently, not so. Geno Smith had a spectacular game with nary a fumble or pick six to be had. The Jets also won with an impressive 30 points on the board, and the Falcons D/ST scored only 5 fantasy points. JJ moves on to 5-0 with the closest possible margin.

Power Rankings

Rankings Week 5

Around the NFL

My dogs are so effing cute, you can’t even hate.

Don’t forget your bye weeks. Thanks for voting on the trade. Pay your dues if you haven’t yet. Good luck everyone!


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