A Week of Firsts

Posted: October 17, 2013 in Uncategorized
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I am dedicating this entire LM note to Tina Belcher. Just ’cause.


This was a week of so many firsts! And there were actually quite a few close matchups, which made this quite exciting to watch.

Weekly Recap


Looking at the score now, you wouldn’t know that as of Monday morning, these two were projected for 1.5 points apart. But Evan’s last two weapons, Trent Richardson and Antonio Gates, didn’t do a whole hell of a lot. In fact, they scored as many points combined as Adam Vinatieri, JOYF’s kicker. And since JOYF was up going into the MNF game, he takes the win.

Cheers, Jayson!


Both ladies were hampered by the loss of their Green Bay packers, James Jones and Randall Cobb, who left the game early with injuries. But DBNR was more disadvantaged by having an inactive DP and benching Stevan Ridley. Shame. While her other RB Danny Woodhead managed a decent performance, he was seven point short of giving DBNR her win. But Stef takes her first victory! Way to go Stef!


I’m not even going to pretend I wasn’t scared for this matchup. I agonized for hours over my lineup. But John started four Chicago Bears who didn’t put up great numbers for Fantasy, and then Jamaal Charles went beast and I thought I had a shot. Then Cecil Shorts got hurt and left the game in the first quarter without giving me a single point. WZSL was not sorry. Going into Sunday night, I was 30 points up and still had a DP on Monday and Terrance Williams. But WZSL had Demarco Murray who scored 10 fantasy points in just the first 10 minutes. Then Demarco Murray got hurt and I was not sorry. Terrance Williams scored a TD!

I secured my victory and WSZL gets his first defeat of the season. I am triumphant! BRASIL!


Did anyone catch the end of the Saints-Pats game? Saints were up by six points and Brady was 2nd and 10 with 7 seconds and 30 yds to the goal line. And then KENBRELL TOMPKINS HOLY HELL!

When this happened, I screamed and scared my puppies.

The catch was clutch for both New England and for KJ. Until this moment, KEPM was projected to win. This turned it all around. KEPM’s Tony Romo was negated by KJ’s Dez Bryant. And not even Dan Bailey could help KEPM catch up. KJ delivers KEPM’s first loss of the season all the while running a marathon for Shriners Childrens Hospital. Get it, KJ!

Around the NFL

Peyton Manning had a bit of a down week this past week, as he only managed to amass 295 yards and 2 touchdowns against the horrendous Jacksonville Jaguars, not to mention throwing his second interception of the season. C’mon Peyton, what happened? Where’s your normal 376 yard, 4-TD day? Slacker.

Peyton Manning: Prolific passer, terrible tackler.

What happened was that the Jaguars actually showed up to play Sunday. Continuing their heated Twitter scuffle before the game, the Jaguars battled the Broncos and trailed by only two up until 4:08 in the third quarter, when Knowshon Moreno scored his second of three touchdowns that day. Jacksonville WR Justin Blackmon had a great day, with 190 receiving yards, and RB Maurice Jones-Drew actually found enough running room for 71 yards and a TD.

Broncos Tweet

Why did all of this happened? I don’t know. Maybe they were tired of being the NFL’s joke. Maybe they heard the rumors about being moved to London. Maybe they thought their continual poor play would bring about Football Jesus. And by that, I mean Tim Tebow. Not to be confused with Purple Jesus, Adrian Peterson.

Don't confuse the Football Jesii.

Don’t confuse the Football Jesii.

What I do know is that Jacksonville Jaguars covered their 28 point spread at Vegas, which was the largest NFL spread in history, so people are generally surprised they were actually competitive on Sunday. You know who wouldn’t be competitive in the NFL? The Alabama Crimson Tide. I’ve heard some college coaches say the the #1 ranked NCAA football team could win against some of the NFL bottomfeeders.


Everytime I hear this idiotic statement, I think about numbers. How many NFL ready players are on a national championship caliber college team? 10? 15? 20 if they’re really, really good?

How many NFL ready players are on the Jacksonville Jaguars? 53. You know how I know? Because there are 53 players on that roster, and all of them play in the NFL. Vegas may have been wrong about the Broncos-Jags game this Sunday, but they’re not wrong about this one:

“It is not easy to set accurate hypothetical lines on an NFL team vs. an NCAA team for a number of reasons. The two main ones being that this has never happened before and no actual money comes in on it. We often will use historical data and how our bettors bet the lines we open and adjust odds from there on any given game. Having said that, even though the Jags are awful and 0-4, they would still be big 17.5-point favorites over Alabama.”

– Kevin Bradley, Sports Book Manager of Bovada.lv

So next time you hear a college commentator give another hyperbole about how good a team or player is, roll your eyes, and press that mute button. Or the SAP button, because at least you’ll hear it en espanol, and it’s more entertaining that way.

One of the best stories this past weekend was the matchup between the Patriots and Saints. The Patriots missed on a fourth down play with 2:16 left in the game, but because the Saints couldn’t get anything going offensively, the Tom Brady and the New England Patriots got the ball back with 1:13 on the clock and no timeouts.

Tom Brady don’t care.

He drove the team 80 yards down the field, capping the drive with a 17 yard touchdown to Kenbrell Thompkins with 5 seconds left in the game. It was a sad day for Drew Brees and the Saints, who couldn’t find an offensive rhythm, mostly due to Bill Belichick’s brilliant plan of putting his best defensive back, Aqib Talib, on Jimmy Graham. How well did that work? Jimmy Graham got ZERO catches on Sunday. Imagine how shocked I was to see that Jimmy Graham’s final score for KJ’s team was -1, especially after leading our league with 151 fantasy points through Week 5.

Aqib Talib shut down the NFL’s top pass-catcher, Jimmy Graham, and held him without a catch.

It was another brilliant comeback for Tom Brady, who has to be one of the most clutch players in NFL history. Brady deserved to celebrate this victory with his teammates.

Or not.

This week, Texans QB Matt Schaub got injured on a sack, and had to leave the game. Schaub’s been on a terrible slump, throwing 9 interceptions on the season, and 5 pick 6s in the Texans’ past 6 games. Houston couldn’t be happier, as all the douchebag Texan fans booed Schaub as he hobbled off the field.  They meant well though, because they only had kind things to say.

Schaub Tweets

Texans fans got what they wanted when TJ Yates stepped out onto the field, who then channeled his inner Schaub and fired a pick six of his own.

Like starter, like backup.

The Texans aren’t the only guys in dire QB need. After Brandon Weeden got injured in Week 2, backup QB Brian Hoyer took over the Cleveland Browns starting QB job, and actually played decently, with a  QB rating of 82.6. It didn’t last long however, as Hoyer suffered an injury against the Buffalo Bills in Week 5, and was put on injured reserve just a couple of days ago. Not great for Browns fans, but great for people who love watching football follies!

Weeden never fails to surprise me.

The Bills have QB issues of their own. They too lost their starting QB in first round draft pick EJ Manuel during their game against the Cleveland Browns. How do you fix this? Start some random guy named Thad Lewis, of course! I googled Thad Lewis, and it turns out he was an undrafted free agent coming from a college powerhouse called Duke. That’s a football school right? I think?

Thaddeus ends up spraining his foot in his first NFL start, and now the Buffalo Bills have turned to Jason Bourne look-alike Matt Flynn for a starting QB. For those of you following, the list of quarterbacks somewhat associated with the Buffalo Bills this season is now: EJ Manuel, Kevin Kolb, Thad Lewis, Jeff Tuel, Tarvaris Jackson, Matt Leinart, Aaron Corp, Dennis Dixon, and Matt Flynn. Great list.

Flynn is the guy who scored himself millions as a backup in Green Bay, while filling in for Aaron Rodgers who was resting for the playoffs. Flynn threw for 453 yards and 6 TDs, both Packers records, during a meaningless Week 16 matchup against the Detroit Lions in 2012. This scored him a $20 million contract for the Seattle Seahawks, although before he got a chance to start an NFL game for Seattle, he got beat out in the preseason by 3rd round pick Russell Wilson (whose salary this season is just shy of $400K). This season, Flynn got traded to the Oakland Raiders, but got benched in favor of Terrelle Pryor after about 2 weeks. Based on history, I think it’s a fair bet Matt Flynn won’t be the starting QB at the end of this season. In fact, Matt Flynn’s most impressive TD pass was back in 2007 when he was at LSU.

Oh wait, that’s a lateral pass, so technically it’s a running play. Nevermind.

Lastly, as much as I hate acknowledging the achievements of a former UCLA player, much less their existence, our league can’t let a touchdown dance go unnoticed. Joseph Fauria of the Detroit Lions scored THREE touchdowns on Sunday against the Browns. He has 7 catches on the season, 5 of them for touchdowns, and all on only 9 total targets! Talk about efficient. But the touchdowns aren’t why he’s being mentioned. It’s his dancing! He starts his season off with a classic 90s flashback.

And he continues  the next week.

Coming up with these dances on the spot is difficult. He ended up dunking the ball on the goal post for his second TD because he couldn’t think of what to do at the time, but he came prepared for his third.

The dude has moves.

Power Rankings

I love football math. It always so entertaining. Currently, we’ve got four teams at the top of the standings at 5-1, and one 3-3 team that’s at #2 in our weekly Power Rankings. Honestly, I have no idea how to really rank us:

  • In Week 4, Jayson lost to Bongratz, 160.5 – 122.5
  • But this past weekend, Bongratz lost to Mary, 154 – 128.
  • Mary got smoked by JJ in Week 4, 220.5 – 169.
  • But JJ just lost to KJ, 133.5 – 118.5.
  • And KJ is 3-3 and lost to Jayson, Mary, and Bongratz, but also has the 2nd most points this season.

So you can see how this league is really just all up in the air.

Good thing we were lucky enough to have Tina Belcher sort everything out for us with her very own Power Rankings!

Rankings Week 6


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