More Drama than a Chipmunk Can Handle

Posted: October 2, 2014 in Uncategorized

This was, without question, the most competitive week our league has ever seen (actually, there is some question, because I am too lazy to double check the stats; but it’s probably true). We have two matchups that came down to 1/2 a point, one of which was decided after a scoring change. And there were two more matchups decided by 10 points or less. Even the other two matchups were projected to be extremely close for quite a while. Look at our scores and projections from midday Sunday.


JJ channeled his feelings by detailing our two closest races this week. I seek to alleviate your anxiety with cute baby animals. (Also, Gabe is undefeated so I let him pick the theme this week).

Truth: hedgehogs love toilet paper rolls, idk why.

Matchup of the Week!

Your Mom’s Favorite Fantasy Team vs. Don’t Make Me Get My Switch

Gabe has made some really good moves this season. He’s had to deal with having the two NFL posterboys for domestic abuse on his team, but since then has revamped his team for the better. He picked up Matt Asiata right when the Adrian Peterson allegations surfaced, and this past week, he also put in waiver claims for Larry Donnell and the Miami Dolphins D/ST.

On Thursday night, the Giants embarrassed the Redskins, and Larry Donnell scored on 3 TDs for 31 total points. Not bad for a Wednesday morning waiver pickup. Then on Sunday, Matt Asiata scored Gabe another 3 TDs and 31 points, after reportedly being fired up like a frat boy from some texts Adrian Peterson sent the team about playing every game like it’s their last. Let’s not forget that before this game, Asiata had 3 TDs his entire career, so that production was a bit unexpected. Not so unexpected was Dolphins D/ST scoring 18 points, which is probably less of a compliment toward the Miami Dolphins, and more of a statement of how shitty the Oakland Raiders are. What’s new, right? The Raiders have since fired their head coach after starting 0-4.

Touchdown Thursday

Gabe finished Sunday with 171.5 points. Kristine, however, only had 101 points on Sunday night, but still had 4 players left to play on MNF. At the time, projections said she’d score 180-something points, but I thought that was pretty lofty. Projections always tend to be a bit inflated.

The Kansas City Chiefs smoked the Patriots like they were making Kansas City barbeque. Jamaal Charles scored 3 touchdowns 3 TDs for 32 points, and Travis Kelce, who Kristine picked up Thursday morning, went 8/93/1 for 24 points. Then, Tom Brady threw a 44-yard TD pass to Brandon LaFell, which was enough to put Kristine up 172 – 171.5. What a finish! I had to let her know how awesome I thought her dramatic win was over the only undefeated team in the league.

Jinxing Kristine

Unfortunately for Kristine, I had jinxed her. Monday was actually one of Brady’s worst games in his career, and the following drive, threw an interception, which knocked her back down to 170 points. Sorry, Kristine.

Not cool, Tom.

Bad Luck JJ

At some point, Julian Edelman returned a punt and scored some points, and brought Kristine’s score back up to 173, so she ended up winning! A fine celebration was in order.


Until Monday, of course, when for whatever reason, Kristine got stat corrected and loses two points from Jeremy Maclin, ending up with only 171 points. Gabe picked up the win 171.5 – 171, in what I can remember as the most dramatic matchup in league history. Gabe is still in 1st place and tied for the most points, and Kristine goes from potentially being 2-2 and in 3rd place to somehow being 1-3 and in 9th place, even though she has the 3rd most points in the league. I feel like that happens to her every year. I dunno.

Stat Correction

Baby chimpanzee feels your frustration.


Matchup of the Week 2!

The Bad Assets vs. Ben’s Roethlisbergers

Chryst’l started the week at 1-2, and was starting to lose hope in her team. Week 4 didn’t look like it would make anything better, as most of her starters had a BYE week (mostly because most of her starters are Seahawks), and she had to bring the entire bench out for the game.

At least Chryst'l didn't leave any points on the bench!

At least Chryst’l didn’t leave any points on the bench!

Stef started out well. The Packers destroyed the Bears offensively, and as Aaron Rodgers couldn’t stop throwing TDs, Stefanie continued to rake in the points. Together Rodgers, Eddie Lacy, and Mason Crosby scored her 63 points. However, Chryst’ls team put up a fight. Ben Roethlisberger had a great day against the Buccaneers, throwing 3 TDs and scoring 30 points. Former Seahawk Golden Tate had a great day as well, stealing all of Calvin Johnson’s catches and scoring 23 points.

By Sunday night, Stef was up, 159.5 – 150. Chryst’l had Shane Vereen left, playing on MNF, while Stef’s only player was Carlos Dunlap, a Bengals DE on a BYE week! Chryst’l needed 10 points to take the win. And as we all know, the Patriots-Chiefs game was pretty one-sided. Since we deduct 1 point from each player who loses a game, Chryst’l really needed Vereen to get 11 points. But he got there! And then this happened.

Pretty cool, Tom.

After that, Belichick punted the game and just benched all of his starters. Vereen took his 11 points to the bank, and never got the opportunity to fumble it away. Chryst’l takes the win, 160 – 159.5.

Chryst’ls face while watching MNF.

Quick Hits

The White Welkers vs. It’s On Like Gronkey Kong

Ah, John. Your intense Bears fandom deserves respect and applause. But starting the Bears D/ST playing Green Bay may not have been your best move. That coupled with Jay Cutler’s interceptions means he just barely misses the victory.

Womp womp. Sorry John.

At least Bongratz kept it close against KJ in this low-scoring matchup. Until GRONK.


Fuck Gronk!

Team Leung vs. The Newcummers

I feel your pain, Madaniel. I have LeSean McCoy in a different league and it’s just the worst. I had first pick, too! What a waste. But wtf happened to DeSean Jackson? And the Panther’s D/ST was also not the greatest idea. Anyway, let’s just say it’s a good thing you were playing Evan (who, btw, has yet to look at his lineup).

The power of teamwork.

Reverse Mormon vs. Don’t Touch My Spork

You can’t tell from the final score, but these seesters were neck and neck for quite a while. That was until Mary got enough points from Blair Walsh (!) and Keenan Allen to pull away. Perhaps things would have been different if two of San Diego’s TDs went to Antonio Gates instead of Eddie Royal. I mean, seriously, Eddie Royal? WTF NOBODY IS CHECKING FOR YOU, EDDIE.


Eddie Royal was like…

And he should’ve been like…


The Sexy DC Bitches vs. RaShake It Off, RaShake it Off

When Jen said she would never again draft all the Redskins as her fantasy team came to play this year, she was for real. JJ didn’t even have a bad week – maybe a little weak defensively, but still some very strong contributions from the Texans D/ST, Tony Romo, and Matt Forte running all up and down the Green Bay defense. Jen just had an amazing team! 41.5 points from Andrew Luck, who I guess tackled somebody? 30+ from Randall Cobb and Frank Gore. And look at Heath Miller doing things. Jen has the biggest win this week. And I’m still going to tease her about the Redskins D/ST getting her negative points.

Baby hedgehog yawns at this matchup.

Trophies and Awards

We have trophies in this league! And if you look on the “League” tab, it will list the weekly trophy winners in the league activity feed. We have four trophies automatically assigned to the week’s top scorer, biggest winner, lowest scorer, and biggest loser.

Not that kind of Biggest Loser. But you also don’t get to meet Drew Brees.

And whenever I have extra time on my hands every now and again, we will hand out one-off trophies to spectacular(ly bad) moves.

The first trophy goes to Evan for Biggest Bench Fail of the Week for playing the wrong Manning. He played the Manning who was on bye, while the Thursday Night Football Manning scored 44 fantasy points.

The second trophy goes to Kristine for Best Use of Lord of the Rings References for the exchange above and also for saying “too long has he sat on my bench” re: starting Steve Smith Sr. this week. Everyone else in this league better step up their game.

Surprise Poll

Who is cuter? Our first option is Tom Brady’s backup because WHAT.

The second option is Joseph Fauria’s pomeranian-husky mix puppy, who was peeing on the floor when Fauria fell down the stairs trying to stop it, thus causing a high ankle sprain.

His name is Lil Rufio and you can follow him on Instagram.

Power Rankings

I’ve given you your baby spirit animals, guys.


And since you can’t embed photos in power rankings…


League Announcements

DUES! Pay them. Or I shall name some names. Download the Venmo app if you haven’t and just pay the $25. And at some point I am putting everyone on What’sApp because trash talking is more fun when everyone does it.

Mind your bye weeks.



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