This Week Was Totally Intense…NOT

Posted: October 7, 2014 in Uncategorized

I read a headline that Pizza Hut was bringing back their Book It! program for adults. If you have no clue what I am talking about, I am sad for your life. I am also sad for my life because what they are actually doing is having Book It! alums sign up for an email list and in exchange they get a coupon for one personal pizza. What a letdown.

Kind of like this week’s matchups. After last week’s heart-racing drama, this week was totally flat. Five matchups were completely decided by Sunday night by a large margin. And the only matchup that still even had a shot at being close ended in a 30 point margin. Oh well. At least we get to enjoy this totally 90’s post.

Matchup of the Week: Reverse Mormon vs. Team Leung

This was the only matchup that was up in the air on Monday morning. Evan has proven himself year after year to run a team that could be good once in a while without any effort. This week was his best thus far this season. He started off the morning strong with 100+ yd games from Ben Tate, DeMarco Murray and Vincent Jackson, combining for 68 points. And then the Denver game happened and holy crap Peyton Manning with 479 yds and 4 TDs. That was a whole 49 points!

This was Manning’s 1st TD of the game…but 500th passing TD of his career!

That’s already more points than some people have scored in an entire week. And his total score was actually the 5th highest this week.

But Sue’s team is good. Really good. After a few sizable efforts from Le’Veon Bell and Jordy Nelson, Greg Olsen had 2 TDs in the disappointing game against the Bears (yes this note is biased, no I don’t care), resulting in 26 points. Antonio Gates would give her two more that afternoon. And Phil Dawson was essentially flaw-free in San Francisco, going 6/6, including two 50+ yd FGs. By Monday, all Sue needed to do was get 16 points from Russell Wilson to win. And while the game was not the blowout that everyone thought it would be, Wilson still amassed 40 points in total for Sue, giving her the victory.

Matchup of the Week 2: RaShake it Off, RaShake it Off vs. The Newcummers

JJ started out very strong on Sunday morning with Julio Jones getting 11 catches for 105 points and 23 fantasy points, and then really reaped it in the afternoon. Tony Romo scored him 27 points in the battle to decide which Texas team was marginally less shitty than the other (Dallas won, no1curr). And despite losing the game, Matt Forte just ran all over the Panthers and even managed to get a Rec TD. Add that to another TD from Alshon Jeffery and you’ve got yourself a great week.

Get it Alshon! This moment was so cute.

You know who did not get a Rec TD, though? Brandon Marshall. And with weak contributions from both LeSean McCoy (again, I feel your pain), Chris Johnson and Jason Witten, not even DeSean Jackson’s 157 yds and TD could save the Newcummers.

Quick Hits:

Don’t Touch My Spork vs. The Sexy DC Bitches

See, this is why you play Arian Foster (but only when he is actually playing). Doing so in place of Doug Martin or Michael Floyd would have given Mary the win.

But instead, Surprise Kitten Panda continues her rebranding victory tour of the league.

It’s on Like Gronkey Kong vs. Your Mom’s Fav Fantasy Team

Holy crap, Gabe lost? That’s really the only takeaway you need from this matchup. Kevin finally overthrew Gabe with his most important super power.

And also because Marshawn Lynch, and Tom Brady and Gronkowski rekindling their on-field chemistry.

White Welkers vs. The Bad Assets

When you have Aaron Rodgers killing the Vikings, and Fat Eddie Lacy is actually running the ball, your opponents just don’t stand a chance. Steph easily wins this, no good luck treasure troll necessary.


Admit it, you’ve rubbed that belly and made a wish.

Don’t Make Me Get My Switch vs. Bob’s Roethlisbergers

Like the ugly member of NSYNC, Kristine just cannot catch a break. Of course she goes up against Chryst’l when she has the highest score of the week. Also, Kristine picked a bad week to let go of Tom Brady. Sorry girl. If I could, I would get you a genie in a bottle so you could wish for some victories.

Time Out

Can we just take a moment to appreciate this underrated Britney hit? There’s some football-related flirtation going on. There are also hair beads, frosted lip gloss, denim jackets with jeans, and flare pants. What were we thinking back then? Her hair still looks flawless, though.


Alright guys, it’s week 5, so it’s really time we settle this. Here are all the people who owe FF dues:








At this point, it doesn’t even matter how you get it to us. Although, a really easy way would be to sign up for Venmo using the link that JJ sent on Facebook, and then paying him $25. It all goes into a cash account that makes it easy to give back to the winners. Plus, there are no fees. So pay up! Say it with me guys!

Power Rankings




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