You’ll Never Believe These Matchups. What We Discovered Will Shock You.

Posted: October 23, 2014 in Uncategorized

LOL jk. It was pretty standard this week. But we got you to click! And to reward you for your loyalty, and to celebrate her new album coming out this week, guess who is the star of this week’s LM note.


Imma be honest with you guys. JJ and I both claimed a bye week for LM notes last week with the full intention of doing them this week; but we are still kind of recovering from vacation. This will be short.

Matchup of the Week 1: Don’t Make Me Get My Switch vs. The Newcummers

I love a good sibling rivalry, which is awesome because it happens a lot in this league. This battle between sisters (and also Raniel) turned out to be the closest one this week. Despite scoring majorly high points, Kristine has only notched one victory in Week 3. And despite average to above average performances each week, the Newcummers were 4-2.

For Kristine, Chris Ivory got things started right on Thursday with 107 RuYds and a TD against the Patriots. On Sunday, Joe Flacco was looking slightly less elite than he did last week with as many interceptions as Cutler. But 2 TDs and 258 YDS is not half bad. Jamaal Charles continued being the Chief’s saving grace, as well.

Things were decidedly more milquetoast for Madaniel. I mean yeah, they got 30 points between Leodis McKelvin and Barry Church. But LeSean McCoy was on bye and Knowshon Moreno was on IR. Antone Smith and Jonathan Stewart just couldn’t fill their shoes. The only thing that could have saved them was a miraculously good performance by Antonio Brown on MNF. They were so close, but just fell 7 points short.

A damn fine job, Steen. I mean, yeah, you’re still 2-5. But a subdued celebration is in order.

Matchup of the Week 2: Bob’s Roethlisbergers vs. The Sexy DC Bitches

You can’t tell right now because Chryst’l ended up with the biggest win of the week. But for a hot minute, this matchup was going to be close. The magic combination of Andrew Luck and T.Y. Hilton worked really well for Jen. But Chryst’l came in strong on Sunday night and basically bested the entire league.

I guess that’s what happens when you have two members of the Denver offense when Peyton Manning is gunning for a record.

Peyton Manning thew his 509th TD to Demariyus Thomas, setting a record…

And then his teammates played keepaway with it.

Quick Hits

The Bad Assets vs. Reverse Mormon

When you can pull out a win against Sue during a week that four of her players score 115 points, you’re just Gone With the Wind fabulous. Have yourself a twirl, Stef. 

 It’s On Like Gronkey Kong vs. RaShake it Off, RaShake it Off

I have Alshon Jeffrey and Jordan Cameron in my other league, and I know exactly how JJ feels about them this week.

Not so coincidentally, I also lost. Well, players gonna play play play play play. And in the meantime, just shake it off. I already put the video in a different LM note, so here’s here new one, co-written by the frontman for Bleachers. You can totally tell. It sounds like Taylor Swift singing a Bleachers song.

White Welkers vs. Don’t Touch My Spork

One day Jay Cutler will finally get it together and milk the full potential of that offensive line. But for now, I win this. Oh, and I learned my lesson about the Ravens D/ST and they rewarded me with 18 points. I’d like to dedicate this next track to the Steelers D/ST.

Your Mom’s Fav Fantasy Team vs. Team Leung

All anyone needs to know is that Evan didn’t set his lineup again.

Power Rankings


We are about halfway done with the season. In terms of the standings, we’ve got outliers on both ends of the spectrum and then kind of a deadlock in the middle.

Evan and John are at 1-6. John’s season has been hampered by the Bears underperforming this year, while Evan’s season has been hampered by not even looking at his team.

At the other end of the spectrum we have KJ and Gabe at 6-1. While Gabe has more points overall, he suffered his only loss to KJ by about 50 points.

In the middle we have five teams at 4-3 (The Newcummers, RaShake it Off, RaShake it Off, Reverse Mormon, The Bad Assets). Four of those teams are in the Pacific division. Three of those teams are Dacuma siblings.

Then we have the Sexy DC Bitches at 3-4, just a game behind. And despite having the third highest number of points in this league, Kristine is still only at 2-5.


No but seriously. Pay them if you haven’t. The season is half over.

I’m not really sure how to end this note, so here is a gratuitous photo of Taylor’s amazing cat Meredith.


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